Dare to Live your Dream Life

For me to live - part of me must die”

There is a very important person in my life who is not very pleased of the things I have been doing in my life recently. She's my mother. I know very well how she feels about certain aspects in my life. I understand her fears and concerns. I understand how other people's comments affect her so much.

I don't know if she knows me as much as I know myself or has she spent enough time to even notice my very nature as a person through all these years. I don't know if she knows the pattern of my thinking or the manner to which I respond to things. But one thing I am very very sure about her is that she is a deeply religious woman and strictly moral person.

She is the person who will walk through fire just to follow the commandments of the church. She is the person who will never compromise Catholic idealism for reality. She is the person who will slay you with harsh truth just to save you from the fires of hell. She is that religious that anything "bad" is ought to be terminated at once.

So lately, I have been wandering this life. I left the house to search for my self and to live the kind of life I have always imagined. I dared to move out so I will know how it is like to be free and be responsible without the pressure of a disapproving authority. I just wanted to decide without considering what others will say about me. But then, it never occurred to me that there are things I say (or post in Facebook status) that will cause others to talk about me and hurt my mother and siblings.

It was my bad really. I was so careless about my Freedom, I didn't consider that other people have different views, conventional, traditional and conservative views that will stir up commotion over one uneventful random Facebook status.

I apologize to my mother and my siblings who are caught up in the midst of rumors from people trying to pry into our private lives. I will be more careful next time and every time I post things to say in my social networks.

Dissecting the tragic event, I came to many realizations. One of which I already know very well and that is the opinions of people vary. I don't expect my mother or other people to understand every fiber of my being nor are they entitled to pry in it. I think there is only one BEING entitled to do that, GOD. He knows every protein molecule embedded in my system. It is just fitting to leave up to him the judgment of whether I am "satanic" or not as what my mother believed me to be.

Second is that, it hurts to know that your own mother looks at you like you are the most sinful person on earth that I am burning my soul in hell as I write now and that she succumbs to what people say on how to live this one life that I have. Is it because it is inline with her morals? Or is it because she doesn't know the truth about me?

Third, no matter how deeply hurt I was with the notion that they are disappointed of me, I cannot hate. I can't hate her although I wanted to keep all the grudge. "Hate" is a strong series of long-kept anger in the heart. I don't hate my mother. When I think back of the things she's done for me and our family, she has exerted efforts too. I owe credits to her for nurturing me all these years, for sending us to a good school, for teaching us life lessons and for not abandoning me in the streets or whatever like that. Yes, there were times I felt emotionally abandoned but I could not berate her because of that.

Fourth, I realized that if there is one great thing that I learned from my mother that I should pass on to the next generation, is the realization that prudent, honest and open communication affects entirely how the child looks at the world and acts towards it.

I missed that. I wanted to talk to my mother without the fear of being judged, condemned or called "satanic", "sinner" or "immoral" person. I could not recall a time when mom and me talked like that. It was always arguments and pressing points of view. Of course, we saw things differently so there was never compromise. It's either I tell her with heightened tone or I don't tell her at all and withdraw from her. I understand her frustrations, really. I understand what she had to go through to make both ends meet, still for some reason, we never collide. We always clash. She tells hurtful things, I tell hurtful things. In the end, we hurt with each other with our words.

How I wanted to share to her many things about me and my life but there is always inhibition. Of course based on the past, I don't think I could face her for another battle of hurtful words.

My mother is not a bad person, she is not a bad mother either. She is a mother who loves her children unconditionally and a person who has a set of life principles and morals to follow strictly.

I am a daughter and a person who, unfortunately, could not conform to tradition of her life principles and morals. I am a person who dares to ask "WHY" and "HOW"? Why are there rules like that, How did it evolved being a law? Why do you follow it? What is the reason behind it?

Why, why and a lot of why's. I am a person who tries and draws conclusion from the experience. I am a person who dares to live the dream life I set for myself.

The world condemns. That's how it is. People are entitled to their own opinions. They are free to see the world and interpret them according to how they think of it. But it does not give them the right to tamper other people's views.

What is true for one person may not be true for all.

They can share their views, they can persuade others but they can never coerce others to adapt to their thinking. If there is one great thing that God blessed each human being with, it is the gift of Mind. It is so powerful and yet no one can ever steal your thoughts and knowledge.

So I guess, let us all live peacefully in this earth. We only have one life time. Why do we let others dictate how it should be lived? When we die and face God, what will we tell HIM if he asks "What did you do to the one life I gave you?" Should we tell HIM, "GOD, my neighbor dictated how I should live, can you ask him instead?"